Hola Caribbean coast

Día nueve, Santa Marta 

To reach the coast I did a 14 hour overnight bus from San Gil to Santa Marta which had wifi the whole way. (Take note Richard Branson if he's reading this sort your Virgin trains out) I bought a huge burrito to eat on the bus which was daft as they're the messiest food ever and nigh on impossible to eat one without eating paper and tinfoil in the process. I arrived at my hostel, Drop Bear, which used to be a Colombian drug cartel HQ so it's a mansion, has a phallic shaped pool, a bar and they found caletas (hiding places) for stashing cash all over it. Pablo Escobar is known to have been here using this place as a hiding spot which is an eery thought. 

The town itself is nowt to rave about, busy, loads of markets and rubbish on the streets. I decide to explore and go to the local beach Rodadero, it's overcast but still hot. So the usual jump on a bus and see where the hell it takes me, I made it! Trip Advisor tells me it's a dive though I thought it was fine, not many tourists but lots of locals. The sand was so fine though and I somehow got it ALL over me including my face and couldn't get it off?!! I had no idea how everyone else looked so cool and I'm a pale sweaty sandy mess. 

That night I chilled at the hostel bar and played giant Jenga where each block has a dare/rule on which was a good laugh. And I was very thankful I didn't have to fondle the resident dog's giant balls. 

Día diez, Parque de Nacional de Tayrona

The main reason people to come to Santa Marta is for a base to go to Tayrona national park about an hour away. It's huge and the highest coastal mountain range in the world. Most people kip over on one of the beaches but I don't want to do that on my own so cram it into a day trip. I hop on a local bus (ahem bus pro). When I arrived there's a lot of faffing watching mandatory pointless videos and queuing for tickets. Then you get in another minivan to reach the start and I saw this huge black bird with a blue beak! Once I'm finally there, the walk is mainly forest like but pretty easy, I wore my running gear which worked perfectly as opposed to some other ladies who wore flip flops or err wedges. To do a hike?! The first beach I got to is pretty, it's empty as you can't swim in it as the sea is so dangerous. The next La Piscina is nice too, white sand and nice warm sea you can swim in so I have a little sunbathe and swim Oo err! Then I walked to the next beach Cabo which is where all the camping sites are, this part of the hike was full of horses carting people (wedges lady included) and stuff around. It ponged with horse poo. I looped back and by the time I got back to the start, about 4.15pm lots of bus drivers are trying to flog me pricy shuttles to Santa Marta. But I'm thinking Pah! I'm not even that tired, so decide I'll just walk the route back to the entrance and get the local bus, it wasn't that far. I think. Maybe. 

So off I trot on a huge open road. It went on FOREVER. I didn't see any more of those stupid ostrich birds (actual name blue-billed carrasows) but I did hear growling from the trees from monkeys which made me get a sweat on. As I kept walking on the other side of the road was a dog manically barking next to a lone motorbike. And dog lovers going "Ah he just wanted to play!" did he my arse. As I walked past it ran over to me barking, going berserk and it had a fat chain on it which was attached to NOTHING and I s*** a brick. I thought this is it, it's going be like that scene in Django Unchained where that guy is mauled to death by dogs. I legged it and it went more crazy, I then calmed it to a powerwalk and it ran back to the motorbike. After this traumatic experience I bolted it back (a mean feat in a strapless bikini) as I needed to make it back before the park shut at 5pm. A lot of adrenaline and a gallon of sweat later I made it to the main road. 

I couldn't get on a local bus as they were rammed so hailed down a big bus to drop me there for a good deal. Here's me thinking I can relax and a preacher talked/shouted non-stop the whole way, "Gloria a dios!" (Glory to God) and I weirdly found myself clapping along and putting my arms in the air when everyone else did, when in Rome and all that. They chucked me off at the edge of Santa Marta and I jumped on a local bus and made it back just before dark. Like Cinderella! Without, y'know, all the minor details. 

Día once, Santa Marta to Cartagena 

So my plan today was to go to Palomino, a remote beach place. But I woke up exhausted after yesterday's hike, covered in mossie bites and couldn't face the journey with my backpack which was two hours in the opposite direction from where I wanted to go next. I ended up getting a shuttle bus to Cartagena for a bargain which was dreamy, hassle free and air con. The route goes through Barranquilla which is apparently the most dangerous city in Colombia, it looks pretty shady. Weirdly both Shakira and Sofia Vergera, two of the most current famous Colombians are both from here?! I think they're from the middle class part. Still looks sketchy, huge iron gates and people guarding their places with baseball bats. Think I'll skip this one. When I arrive at Cartagena my bus drops me off in the street, I bumped into my mate Owen Pygram(!) with his girlf who tell me my hostel is ages from where the bus has dropped me. Oh. It's also BOILING here and it's 7pm. I eventually found my hostel and it's me and one old bloke. In the entire hostel. So even though I've paid already and no refund I decide to leave. Ballin' innit. (Ok it was 8 quid.) I went to another hostel Mamallena where he bus first dropped me doh and they had a bed, people and air con, nice one. I've actually been really sensible and not gone out alone at night in Colombia but this place is so touristy or should I say touristic... Sidepoint: In all my life I've NEVER heard this word and everyone keeps saying it here?! Turns out it is in the dictionary and yes my Cambridge degree is feeling like an utter waste of money.

Anyway so I have a gander, lots of gringo food - pizza, burgers you name it. The square is crazy busy with locals singing and chatting and just having a laugh. I found out it's a bank holiday the next day so no wonder they're getting on it. At the hostel I meet some interesting people including some lads from the Peace Corps (pronounced Core- did anyone else know it was spelt this way?!) teaching English in small villages in Colombia, the only volunteers in their villages. So admirable but no chance would I do that. I couldn't even last one night in a hostel on my todd. Plus my Spanish needs some polishing up before I start teaching, ahem.

Día doce, Cartagena 

Today is about wandering the city, it's empty as all the locals are at the beach, it's SO hot here I may melt at any point. I met a cool Canadian girl, Lotoya Jackson (who is no relation to Michael Jackson sos) and I gatecrash part of the free walking tour of city. Cartagena has a walled city (13km long) in which the buildings have to be either colonial or republican to fit in with the style of the town which works especially as they rely on so much tourism here. In fact it's the most touristy or touristic(!) place in Colombia I've been to as it's a major port to South America so lots of the cruise ships stop here so it's not just backpackers. Still it's not the safest and I've heard plenty of stories including dodgy police robbing people so I won't be letting my guard down. An Aussie lad Billy I met in San Gil saw my Instagram photos and found me in my hostel (my fans just won't leave me alone) and me, Billy and his mate went to watch the sunset on the city wall. Didn't take a photo (we've all seen a sunset before) but it was pretty beautiful. We also saw some newlyweds and the bloke tried to pick his (rather small) wife up for a photo and couldn't lift her an inch off the ground and I had to run away and wet myself laughing for a fair bit. A bunch of us went out in the evening and after wandering the quiet town we came back to find the busiest bar to be the one next to our hostel. Well that's convenient!

Día trece, Playa Blanca 

So I wasn't hungover not that it mattered as it was beach day! Playa Blanca is the nice beach here but it's a mish to get to. Luckily I make some fwends and we bosh it in a taxi to the beach. The days before we'd heard it was heaving because of the bank hol weekend but as it was a Tuesday it was pretty empty, hurrah! The sea was so clear and warm it was lovely especially as it was roasting here. People say you get harassed with people selling you stuff but it was fine, once you said no they went away. Apart from a guy selling beer who genuinely just sat his coolbox (chilli bin/esky/cooler for my international fans) next to us as we bought up his beer supply. I also had a delish meal here, 3 quid for a giant fresh fish, rice, salad and plantain, they love plantain here usually fried. With the sun and SPF 30 I promise I was hoping I may improve on the milky white tone to a honey tone.. But of course my shoulders, back and chest went a shade of lobster and got the most burnt I have IN MY LIFE. I was pretty jeal of Lotoya who said she went from milk chocolate to 85% cocoa. In 35 degree heat that night my body felt ON FIRE. Even some delightful boxed wine didn't help. Luckily I managed to get a cheap flight to my next stop so I've got a 45min flight not a 14 hour bus journey, hell yes. So I'm saying turrah to the Caribbean coast, I've had a good time but I'm keen to get out of this crazy hot/humid climate. My somewhat optimistic hopes were to leave bronzed but in reality I'm bitten and burnt alive. On the up I wasn't eaten alive by a dog. Ciao!