Bog-oh-tar

¡Hola! So I'm in Colombia. In case you didn't know I got made redundant at the end of April and having known about it for a while, my plan was to come to South America for a month or so before the job hunt starts. I am pretty nervous to be honest, not that I'm not a strong independent woman (insert Destiny's Child hand wave here) but it's not the safest place to be alone. I promise I will stay safe and not do anything too daft. Lots of my mates/family said I must write a blog again. NO PRESSURE! So here I go.

Diá uno, London to Bogotá

Well my flight was meh, long and I have a cold and cough. Films were crap- do not watch Foxcatchers- even with several wrestling scenes and a topless Channing Tatum it's so dull.

Despite proclaiming I'd learn some Español next time I was in South America, I am ashamed to say I haven't. I downloaded an audio book by Michel Thomas to learn the basics that I left until the flight to try. It seems good though the phrases seem bizarrely aggressive- "I need this, I want that, It's urgent why can't I have it"... So basically I'm all set up to barter with drug lords, brilliant. 

I arrived in Bogotá airport (which is pronounced Bog-oh-tar not Bo-go-ta as I've been saying it doh.) I got a licensed taxi for a good price after a few drivers tried to swindle me and my hostel is lovely, phew. The area it's in is really nice too, y'know stuff that everyone really needs... cool bars, sushi restaurants, Pilates studios and of course a pottery painting shop. If it was in the UK there'd be a little Waitrose and an Oliver Bonas. 

I've since discovered I paid the cheapest taxi from the airport to the hostel from everyone I've met - high 5 emoticon!! My tactical tip if you happen to visit Bogotá airport get out the exact cash and suggest that at the end rather than ask how much.*

*Disclaimer- I accept no responsibility if this results in kidnapping. 

Día dos, Bogotá

So I managed to get about 3 hours kip thanks to my cough. A bloke from reception CAME INTO our room at 2am turned the light on and told me to keep it down?!! He even did the Ross from Friends hand shushing!!!! (A hand duck open beak going to an almost closed beak for non-Friends fans, though why we're friends I'm not sure). Yeah because it's MY fault I am choking to death on my own flem (sos for tmi). Fortunately, or unfortunately as it turned out I followed the Election to pass time. A Tory majority? I mean. Really? Really?!! Ok I'll stop. 

Anyway, Colooombia. 

So in the hostel everyone is insanely friendly. I met a nice Brazilian girl in the loos for a minute and next she's asking me to dinner. Fast work. I was thinking I must be dead friendly looking because everyone wants to hang out together after 10 words of small talk. That is until I venture out on my own and discover Bogotá is well, mental. It's no frigging wonder they all want to hold hands together. 

For a start, it's enormous. The main transport system is the TransMilenio which is essentially their tube/subway except it's giant buses. If you're looking for a thrill ride and potentially a concussion you've come to the right place. The buses have their own lanes so they drive fast and brake sharply. It took me an age to find the station then of course I went the wrong route as it's the most confusing thing ever. Three buses, an hour and half later and feeling like I'd just been on Oblivion at Alton Towers without a seatbelt, I made it to Central Bogotá. 

Bogotá is nowhere like I've been before. It's really busy and chaotic or "bustling and vibrant" as the books describe it. It's a huge grid with hardly any green space apart from a huge sea of hills to the East (Monserrate) which are stunning. I wandered around Candelaria where the tourist attractions were and err this is awkward, but I thought it was a dump. Most of the statues and historical buildings were covered in graffiti which was a shame. Boliviar square was crammed FULL of pigeons, it made Trafalgar Square look like the Hilton of the pigeon world and they came to here to die. (I did actually see dead pigeons).

I made it to an art museum, Museo Boteró, which was to my surprise, beautiful. Inside the artwork was cool (lots of chubby things by Fernando Boteró funny enough) and the building and gardens were so pretty. There were lots of security guards and tourists (as I couldn't see any tourists in town!) and I felt relaxed here. After that I went to another good museum, Museo del Oro, full of metals, mainly gold that dated back thousands of years.

Back at the hostel I make some more travelling fwends - a British bloke Andy and two Brazilians Ana (my loo buddy) and Luiz. Andy is a doctor and got bumped up to business class on the way as a bloke got ill and he stepped in and the pilot asked him if they should land the plane?! I cannot imagine being asked that ha. Ana is obvs ridiculously beautiful and gets all dolled up. I stupidly only brought a mascara for make up and have been smothering my face in Vaseline as it's so chapped from blowing my nose. Sexy. I attempt to look human and we went out locally and had delicious bife de lomo and cervesas (steak and beers, I'm all over this). Hurrah, I recovered my day. 

Diá tres, Bogotá

I feel raring to go after sleeping lots yay. I back on the TransMilenio and I've got this shizzle down, the right bus route, two hands on poles and some core strength and I made it to the right stop quickly with no injuries. It was still a decent way to walk to where I wanted to go - Monserrate (hills I was on about), and pretty ropey. They don't seem to care about pedestrian safety here and just walk in front of cars willy nilly so I decided when in Rome and all that, don't want to stand out like a tourist. So I may lose a limb in an accident but I'm sure I've lowered my risk of a mugging. So I made it to the base of Monserrate, knackered as the route was uphill and feeling very headachey with the altitude. I had to stop off at the Esso garage for emergency bickies en route. Pretty cultural me. Our mam carries round "emergency biscuits" and I've asked her what situation she would ever be in to need a biscuit urgently - she can't have a cuppa tea without a snack apparently. And now I'm eating my words as I've now got emergency biscuits and crackers in my rucksack.

I couldn't walk up Monseratte as the path was closed (boo) so I got the cable car up. At the top the view of the city is so vast, but I actually preferred the view from the city looking at Monseratte. It's so green and beautiful flowers everywhere, apparently it's a populist pilgrim destination. It was pretty quiet for a Saturday though, sounds w***y but I found it very peaceful compared to Bogotá which feels exhausting. 

Whilst the people in my hostel were so friendly and a right laugh, despite my shocking lack of Spanish and being a germ fest, I've had enough of Bogotá. I'm not a fan and it can Bog off- see what I did there tee hee- as I'm heading north for some countryside! Night in for me as I prepare for my 8 hour bus trip. If there's no bingo I'm kicking off. Adios :) 

Here's some of my Instagram pictures if you haven't seen them already - mostly of the touristy stuff as I didn't feel safe getting my iPhone out in the ropey places in Bogotá. (@sophiebennett1)